What Do You Call Your Son-In-Law’s Parents? A Complete Guide

Families are expanding networks, not just single units. When your child marries, you don’t just gain a son-in-law or daughter-in-law; you gain an entire parallel family. Suddenly, you find yourself at holiday dinners, graduation parties, and weddings sitting across from two people who share a profound connection with you—a shared grandchild, perhaps, or simply the happiness of your children. Yet, a persistent, slightly awkward question remains: What do you actually call them?

English is a wonderfully descriptive language, but it has a famous gap when it comes to family titles for the parents of your child’s spouse. Unlike many other languages that have specific, dedicated words for this relationship, English leaves us fumbling with descriptions like “my son-in-law’s parents” or the vague “the in-laws.”

This guide dives deep into the linguistic, cultural, and social landscape of this unique relationship. We will explore the terms you can use, the etiquette of addressing in-laws, and how different cultures handle this family connection.

The Linguistic Gap: Why Isn’t There a Word?

If you feel frustrated by the lack of a specific term, you aren’t alone. In English kinship terminology, we have specific words for almost every direct relation: aunt, uncle, cousin, nephew, step-sister. But the relationship between two sets of parents whose children have married is curiously unnamed.

Linguists refer to this as a lexical gap. Because there is no single, universally accepted noun for “son-in-law’s parents” in standard English, we often rely on clumsy phrases.

The Term “Co-In-Laws”

In recent years, the term “co-in-laws” has started to gain traction among genealogists and those looking for precision. It mirrors the structure of “co-grandparents.” While it is logical, it hasn’t fully entered the vernacular of everyday conversation. You might not introduce someone at a barbecue by saying, “Meet my co-in-law, Bob,” without getting a confused look. However, in written communication or family trees, this term is becoming more standard.

“The Other Grandparents”

Once grandchildren arrive, the dynamic shifts. The most common way to refer to your son-in-law’s parents becomes relative to the youngest generation. You are “Grandma and Grandpa Smith,” and they are “Grandma and Grandpa Jones.” Referring to them as “the other grandparents” is functionally accurate but lacks warmth. It defines them by who they are not (you), rather than who they are to you.

Cultural Perspectives: How the World Handles It

While English struggles with this concept, other languages and cultures have solved the problem centuries ago. Looking at these cultural family terms can offer great alternatives or at least comfort in knowing the relationship is recognized elsewhere.

The Yiddish Connection: “Machetunim”

Perhaps the most famous term for this relationship comes from Yiddish. The word is machetunim (pronounced ma-che-tun-im). It specifically refers to the extended family members acquired through marriage, particularly the parents of your child’s spouse.

The singular forms are machetun (for the father) and machete (for the mother). This word carries a sense of extended clan and mutual obligation that English terms lack. It implies that by the marriage of your children, you are now bound together in a unique circle. Even if you aren’t Jewish, borrowing this concept can help frame the relationship as significant and named.

Spanish: “Consuegros”

Spanish offers a warm and specific term: consuegros.

• Consuegro (masculine)
• Consuegra (feminine)

The prefix “con-” means “with,” and “suegro” means “father-in-law.” Essentially, it translates to “co-in-laws” or “fellow parents-in-law.” It is a widely used, recognized noun that establishes an equal footing between the two sets of parents. It validates the relationship as a formal family bond, not just a social acquaintance.

Portuguese: “Consogros”

Similar to Spanish, Portuguese uses consogros (plural), consogro (male), and consogra (female). In Brazilian and Portuguese culture, where extended family gatherings are frequent, having a specific name for these family members facilitates smoother social interaction.

Greek: “Sympatheroi”

The Greek term sympatheroi is derived from roots meaning “to suffer with” or “to experience with.” While this might sound dramatic to English speakers, it reflects a deep, shared emotional journey. You are sharing the experience of your children’s marriage and life together.

Modern Etiquette: How to Address Them Directly

Knowing the linguistic terms is interesting, but it doesn’t solve the immediate problem of what to write on a holiday card or how to greet them at Thanksgiving. Here is a breakdown of modern etiquette for addressing in-laws.

The First Name Basis

In the vast majority of Western, English-speaking contexts, the correct etiquette is to use first names.

• The Approach: “Hi, Susan, it’s great to see you.”
• Why it works: It establishes equality. You are peers. You are both parents of adults. Using Mr. or Mrs. creates distance and hierarchy that feels out of place for people who share grandchildren.
• The Caveat: If there is a significant age gap or cultural difference where seniority demands formality, wait for them to invite you to use their first name. However, if you are roughly the same age, assume first names are appropriate.

Family Titles for the Kids vs. You

It is crucial to distinguish between what your children call them and what you call them. Your son-in-law calls them “Mom and Dad.” Your grandchildren call them “Nana and Pop.” You call them “Bill and Linda.”

Never fall into the trap of calling them “Mom” or “Dad” unless it is an inside joke. It confuses the generational lines.

Addressing Them in Introductions

When introducing your son-in-law’s parents to a third party (like a friend or another relative), precision is key to avoiding confusion.

• Clear: “This is John and Mary, my daughter’s in-laws.”
• Clearer: “This is John and Mary, my son-in-law David’s parents.”
• Casual: “These are the other grandparents, John and Mary.”

Avoid just saying “These are the in-laws,” as people will assume they are your parents-in-law.

Navigating the Relationship: Social Dynamics

The relationship between two sets of parents-in-law is delicate. You didn’t choose each other as friends, yet you are bound together for life. Navigating in-law relationships requires emotional intelligence and clear boundaries.

The “Gatekeeper” Dynamic

Often, the adult children (your child and their spouse) act as gatekeepers. They coordinate the holidays, the visits, and the information flow. This can sometimes create friction if one set of parents feels the other is getting more access.

To build a healthy dynamic with your son-in-law’s parents:

1. Direct Communication: Don’t rely solely on the kids to pass messages. If you are planning a joint birthday party for a grandchild, call the other parents directly. “Hi Linda, I wanted to coordinate on the cake so we don’t bring duplicates.” This builds a relationship independent of the children.
2. Avoid Competition: It is natural to want to be the “favorite” grandparents or the ones who give the best gifts. Resist this. The relationship with your son-in-law’s parents should be collaborative, not competitive.
3. Respect Differences: You might be formal; they might be casual. You might be politically active; they might be private. You don’t have to be best friends; you just have to be friendly allies.

Handling Holidays and Traditions

Holidays are the stress test for in-law relationships. Who gets Christmas Eve? Who gets Thanksgiving?

When addressing your son-in-law’s parents regarding holidays, the key is flexibility.

• The Joint Celebration: If everyone gets along, hosting joint holidays can be a relief for your children, who no longer have to shuttle between houses.
• The Terminology of Inclusion: When inviting them, use inclusive language. Instead of “You are invited to our dinner,” try “We would love to celebrate together as one big family.”

When the Relationship is Strained

Not all in-law matches are made in heaven. Sometimes personalities clash. What do you call your son-in-law’s parents when you don’t particularly like them?

The answer is: You still call them by their names, and you remain polite.

The “Civil Distance” Strategy

If the relationship is rocky, revert to polite formalities.

• Stick to first names but avoid nicknames.
• Refer to them as “David’s parents” in conversation to maintain a slight emotional distance without being rude.
• Focus conversations on the neutral ground: the weather, the grandchildren, or general news.

Protecting the Children

The most important rule of addressing in-laws you dislike is to never disparage them in front of your child or son-in-law. If you call them names or use derogatory terms, you force your child into the middle. Regardless of your feelings, in the presence of family, they are simply “Bill and Linda.”

Creative Solutions and Modern Trends

As families modernize, we are seeing new ways of addressing these gaps in our language.

Nicknames

Some families develop affectionate nicknames for the collective parent group. “The Elders,” “The Grand-team,” or simply “The Parents.” This adds a layer of humor and camaraderie.

The Rise of “Bonus Family”

We often hear “bonus mom” for stepmothers. Some families are extending this to “bonus family” for the in-laws. It frames the addition of these people as a positive gain rather than an obligation.

Digital Contacts

How do you save them in your phone? “John (David’s Dad)” is a common, practical choice. It ensures that if you receive a call out of the blue, you know exactly who it is immediately.

Conclusion: It’s About Connection, Not Vocabulary

Ultimately, while English lacks a single, perfect word like consuegros or machetunim, the sentiment behind the relationship matters more than the label.

Whether you call them “co-in-laws,” “the other grandparents,” or simply “Bob and Sue,” the goal is to foster a connection that supports your children. By using respectful titles and navigating the social etiquette with grace, you strengthen the safety net around your growing family.

So, the next time you introduce your son-in-law’s parents, don’t worry about the linguistic gap. Use their names, smile, and perhaps mentally tip your hat to the Spanish or Yiddish speakers who have the perfect word for the bond you now share.

Key Takeaways

• No Official Term: English has no standard dictionary noun for a son-in-law’s parents.
• Use First Names: In social situations, first names are the correct and most polite default.
• Loan Words Exist: Terms like consuegros (Spanish) or machetunim (Yiddish) describe this exact bond.
• Context Matters: Use “David’s parents” for clarity when speaking to strangers; use names when speaking to family.
• Build Bridges: Direct communication with your child’s in-laws strengthens the family unit.

By understanding the nuances of these family titles, you can navigate weddings, holidays, and grandparenthood with confidence and ease.